A Letter to My Angel Baby on Your Due Date

Losing a child no matter how long you carried them, no matter the age, is hard. It’s traumatizing. It’s scary and it’s life changing. But it’s so much more than JUST losing a baby. It’s losing the time you’ll get to hold them, losing the time putting them to sleep after a restless night, it’s losing all the memories of them riding a bike or going to school. You’re losing the life you had envisioned with them.

You lose everything. Forever.

I found out I was pregnant December of 2018. Today would’ve been the day that I would’ve gave birth to my little one. But the night of December 21st, I went to the ER because I was bleeding. That night I went home as a woman who has lost her baby.

So I sit here today, wanting to share the love I hold dearly for my baby. Not for sympathy not for the likes.. For a mother who misses her little one and yearns for the day I see those 2 pink lines again.

If you’re a mother who has lost, going through a loss, or even if you’re not a mom who went through this; I hope whoever reads this finds comfort.

August 8, 2019

Today was the day. Today was mine, yours, our due date. I should be bringing home a little baby today.

Oh how I would’ve loved to hear your soft cries in the middle of the night. I would’ve loved to see your smile, and hear your laugh. I would’ve loved to hold you in my arms so tightly, and never let you go. I would’ve loved to see if you were my baby girl or baby boy…

I wanted you to look like your daddy either way. I would’ve loved to see him smile at you and cradle you so softly. He would’ve been so good to you. Although he’d be trembling, he’d be so mesmerized. Even though you were a huge surprise to all of us, he never once doubted his love for you. You were exactly what he wanted from the first thought of you being in this world. To see him with you now…

I know there’s nothing I can do to get you back, baby. But I promise from the bottom of my heart, you will never be forgotten. I do and always will think of you every single day. I, and everyone else who had an ounce of love for you will remember you and think of who you might’ve been. I know if I get my rainbow baby someday soon, I will tell them how excited I was for you.

I want you to know honey, I will always wonder about who you would’ve been.

I will always wonder what life would be like if on this day I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby.

I would’ve loved to have you here, but please know that God had such a meaning for you.

He didn’t give you to me and take you back for nothing, you were my baby.

I loved you from the moment you existed. Though I never held you in my arms, I will forever hold you in my heart.

I hope you’re with papaw now. Hearing his beautiful voice, listening to his stories and having him rock you to sleep. I think of you both so much and it hurts my heart to not have either of you here.

Instead of holding you and telling you about him, he’ll hold you and tell you about me.

I pray I see you both some day, my baby… Because I know I would’ve loved to hold you now, but it’ll be even sweeter to hold you both up above.
Mommy & Daddy love you for always.

1 Samuel 1 : 27-28

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.